Freelancer – Locked Away

Johnny awoke to find himself lying on a cold, hard surface in total darkness. He couldn’t remember who he was. Yet, with nightmarish certainty, he remembered where he was. And, even though his sense of time had dissolved into an ocean of timeless drifting, he blindly clung to the belief that he could endure this tortured reality and he would one day be released from his prison cell with enough sanity remaining to live a normal life. Without such a belief his existence would be unendurable. He underlined his every waking thought with that awareness. He had been subjected to isolation, sensory deprivation, and prolonged interrogations while under the influence of experimental psychoactive drugs, yet he still felt rooted in his soul; even when he couldn’t remember who he actually was in the outer world. 

A significant amount of time had passed since his last interrogation session and the psychoactive drug effects were slowly diminishing. Along with an increase in consciousness, he became more aware of physical pain. He resisted the impulse to panic and concentrated on the pain instead, willing his mind to overpower it, to seal it off from his consciousness. 

His body had atrophied through misuse, abuse, and lack of proper medical attention. If something positive didn’t happen to him soon, he could die there, he realized. Yet he refused to accept it. With every shred of pain free consciousness, he meditated on the prayers taught to him during his childhood school years by the Catholic nuns: imploring, soliciting, supplicatory prayers, seeking God’s forgiveness. 

His mind cleared slowly. He longed to return to his natural life, living free in the mountain forest. Along with memories of living in the cabin, of hunting in the woods, of bonding with wolves, a vision of Rosemary entered his consciousness. He included Rosemary in his imaginings as his mate. And he mated with her often in his mind. In fact, the more he mated with her the stronger he became, he felt. It increased his will to live, giving him the power to push his body and force himself to exercise, despite the pain.

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